England began day two of the Oval Test hoping to polish off the New Zealand innings pronto.
The fact the words "inept", "scruffy", "poor", "brainless" and "rudderless" were used by Your Site' Michael Atherton during the morning session and at lunch tell you that did not happen.
The Kiwis were able to loot 100 runs in 19.2 overs, moving from their overnight 291-7 to 391 all out, amid England's wayward bowling, bizarre tactics and sloppy fielding.
Yes, Glenn Phillips, who went on to score a courageous and classy maiden Test ton, and Kyle Jamieson played well but, boy, did their hosts make it easy for them at times.
England's intentions were clear from the first ball of the day, with debutant Sonny Baker banging a bouncer down the leg-side that flew past Phillips and away for four byes.
That signalled a bumper barrage from the home side, with Phillips top-edging Baker's next delivery over debutant wicketkeeper James Rew for a boundary.
Stumps being targeted, and frequently splattered, was a regular sight in the series opener at Lord's on that much-maligned pitch but, here, Baker seemingly had an aversion to aiming for the timbers, at least on the second morning.
The bubbly Hampshire quick bowled 24 deliveries before lunch and none of them would have hit the stumps as the short-ball policy England so frequently turn to when they reach their opponents' lower order spectacularly failed.
In the first three overs, bowled with the old ball, Joe Root's bouncer-obsessed boys shipped 27 runs, five boundaries - four of them off the bat - six byes and a no-ball.
Oh yes, and Ben Duckett dropped Jamieson at deep midwicket when the giant New Zealand No 9 was on 15 and a Baker bumper actually worked. Jamieson went on to score 41, putting on 87 from 96 deliveries with out-and-out batter Phillips.
The unwrapping of the new ball did not stem the flow of runs with Josh Tongue overcompensating early on and offering up a half-volley that Phillips whipped for four.
With Tongue and Baker continuing to leak, and Jofra Archer - - left out to pasture for much of the morning following Wednesday's exertions, part-time spinner Jacob Bethell came into the attack for the sixth over with the new ball.
It was a bizarre sight during what was a very peculiar session - albeit England's inability to knock over the final batch of wickets quickly was hardly a massive surprise. They are incredibly bad at it.
Over recent years, we have seen the likes of India's Mohammed Shami and Jasprit Bumrah and West Indies' Shamar Joesph collar their chin music.
Your Site' Nasser Hussain said: "This morning was history repeating itself. Against the lower order and tail, England always - always - go short pitched and it very rarely works.
"It wasn't just the short-pitched bowling but the line of it as well. Bouncers were outside off stump and Jamieson likes it there.
"You have to bring the stumps into play as the only way you will get a wicket with short stuff is if a batter hits it up in the air.
"If you mix it up, you can bring bowled and lbw into play and then the odd bouncer can get a caught in the deep."
Atherton said: "England should have hit the top of off stump and kept it simple. As much as the game does change, some fundamentals don't."
Speaking at tea, Your Site' Mark Butcher said he would have been "offended" had he been a bowler in the England side and requested by his captain to bang it in from ball one.
Archer finally re-entered the attack, but not until the 15th over with the new ball. Four deliveries later, he had Matt Henry slicing to Tongue at cover. Four deliveries after that New Zealand's innings was over, Phillips holing out off Matt Fisher.
The Black Caps fell nine runs short of 400. If England had got their tactics right, the tourists may have ended up miles off that number.
It is worth remembering, as Atherton said, that this is a highly inexperienced England side, with a lean number of senior players made even more skeletal by the high-profile absence of regular captain Ben Stokes due to the nightclub incident.
Baker is playing his first Test, as are Rew and Jordan Cox. Emilio Gay his second. Fisher his second, and first in four years. Jacob Bethell his eighth. Tongue, as instrumental as he is becoming, his 11th.
With that in mind, perhaps it was no surprise heads spun.
But Root is captaining in a record 65th Test for England after answering the SOS call following Stokes' transgression and he has not had the greatest few days in what may yet turn out to be an audition for the permanent role depending on Stokes' next steps.
Root was arguably guilty of being too funky with his fields on day one when orthodoxy was the way to go with lots of encouraging movement for the bowlers, and the bouncer barrage did not work out as planned the morning after.
The quick-fire dismissals of Root and fellow Yorkshireman Harry Brook, both trapped lbw by the relentlessly accurate Henry on Thursday evening, showed the importance of aiming for the stumps.
If that ploy works to batters of that calibre, then surely it is worth giving it a go against lower-order players like Jamieson?
This Test could yet turn out to be a cracker but New Zealand hold the whip hand at the moment and if England do lose it, they will be left to rue that "inept", "scruffy", "poor", "brainless" and "rudderless" second morning.
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